last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
