Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do herpes really smell.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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