Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
