i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
