Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
