Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize