It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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