You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
