bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
