Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
