he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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