Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
