This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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