The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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