Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
we should paint friendship bongs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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