JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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