mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
