I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
