my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
