I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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