i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
