if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
