I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
