I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
