apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
