youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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