On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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