I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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