I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
