New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
