Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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