The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
