One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize