Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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