made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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