when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
