something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize