It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
