I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
