You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
