There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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