i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it penis luge time yet?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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