Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize