I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
