I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
