i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
