Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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