He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
