so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
