I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
