At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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