I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
