the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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