Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
