i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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