Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
