Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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