I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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