you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
