My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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