Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
