How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
