is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize