did you get engaged???
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
