i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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