she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
