God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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