The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
