By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
