do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
