i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize