Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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