I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
