drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
