Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
being pregnant is like rehab
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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