so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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