I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
