i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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