after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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