I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
