I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
