i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
