Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
