just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
