so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
