Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
