Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
