Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
