You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
