I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
