cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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