worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They took my balls.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
