my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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