I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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