I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
