It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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