This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize