YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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