Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They should really pass out barf bags in church
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
