i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
