I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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