please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
