when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
