this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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