marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found puke in my bra..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
