Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
