I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
