I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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